I love gardening. I find it therapeutic. I can spend hours in the garden or in the tiny green house at the bottom of our garden. While I will schedule other activities in a bid to make sure they get done, I effortlessly weed, prune or plant and get completely immersed. It’s also a time for reflection for me.

The other day, I saw this flower.

And I couldn’t help but stop and marvel at it. On a bright orange flower, some petals had decided to stand out. The pink was such a contrast to the orange. I checked the rest of the plant, wondering if there were any more like it. It was the only one.

It got me thinking about how we can sometimes struggle with difference. I would think that society plays a role in how we view and identify ourselves and those around us.

That our socialisation can make us somehow wary if not downright hostile to those we perceive as different, as threatening to us as individuals or our cohesiveness, real or imagined.

Those pink petals, standing out as they were, made me pause and reflect. There they were, as much a part of that dahlia as the orange ones. They simply were. They belonged to that plant. They were no less and no more a part of it. Just different.

They made me think about the introjected values and subsequent conditions of worth that shape us. “You are only worthy if you are a certain way, achieve certain things.” And we believe these things, both of ourselves and of others. So we conform. Or try to, creating conflict within ourselves. Not because who we are is in any way detrimental to us or society. And in the process, we lose that which makes us who we are. That which makes us special, unique.

I can search and reflect on the values that I hold, to find where they come from and why I hold them. To see if they truly represent me. And find a way to move closer to my organismic experiencing, my core, which I truly believe, as Carl Rogers said, grows towards that which is gainful not just for me as an individual, but for society as a whole. In so doing, I will set myself free. And I will also let others be.

Because I will be as close to being me as I can be, there will be no defenses. And I will not feel threatened by who others feel they are, I can accept them and value them.